Self Portraits

I have been making self-portraits since 2015, and it is an ongoing project.  When I first started the portraits they were simply a way for me to see myself in my environment, and a way to push the pause button in the midst of hectic daily life as a freelancer and a mother.  Making these images of a quiet, calm person was a way of sublimating stress and chaos into something like a deep exhale.  The woman in the photos has a silent quality, and an interior-ness.  She is romantically strong, yet maybe tired, though not too beaten down.  There is a heroic quality of a strong mother and woman inhabiting her domestic sphere.  I suppose this is an aspect of how I see myself.

 

My mother died this past summer, and that loss has reshaped the lens through which I understand this work.  Ever since that day I have felt in-between, on a threshold, in another universe full of un-knowing, floating, questions. Liminal. Liminal is the word that speaks most deeply to the state of transition between having a mother and not having one, and looking over my self-portraits I realized that I have been exploring limilality all along.  My images are about between-ness, the moment(s) between thinking and action, expectant, moving through thresholds (so many windows and doors), looking outward and inward simultaneously.  The woman in the photos is both in the moment, and also “above” it.